Gems on Abstinence from Nona Aguilar’s wonderful book
1. Couples sometimes go through five stages when learning to cope with abstinence : Denial, anger , bargaining , depression & acceptance . Yes the very same steps people take to process loss or grief . However , the husband and wife often go through the stages at differing paces and may occasionally skip one of them.
2. She also cites studies carried out by Dr. Max Levin which indicated that in marriages where the abstinence ( am assuming the average amount of abstinence about 12 days per cycle ) was a burden there were almost always other hidden problems in the marriage . A husband for example who could not stand his wife considered sex a gift to himself for having to put up with her so abstinence was unbearable to him.
3. Abstinence could reveal the level of disequilibrium in the marriage . In some cases abstinence revealed severe disequilibrium : the wife was left to take care of the charts and shoulders responsibility for the couple’s fertility and in cases minor disequilibrium for example a wife who was not sure about her fertile & non fertile days would make her husband uneasy but not enough to cause any major upheaval.
4. Women felt secure in their relationships when their husbands were willing to abstain . This is because from the studies done women had sex for two reasons : to demonstrate love and to keep their husbands from walking away . What is interesting about this fact is that women did not want to divulge the second reason .
Initially I wanted to do a complete review of Nona Aguilar’s book then I dicovered that while the science was essentially the same as that in all other NFP books , I had never found a book with such a comprehensive coverage of abstinence ( all backed by scientific study )
And am not done with the book yet !